Journal Entery

Date: October 26, 2007

Entery Number: 25

Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 147-148

Esther is a crazy girl. I don't see why she wants to kill herself exactly. Like she tries to cut herself and lay in a warm bath and die that way but she chickens out. "But when it came right dodwn to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn't do it." She was going to try a pratice run by cutting her leg and letting herself bleed to death that way but she had already used up the most part of the morning and her mother would be back soon. Esther does realize that what she really wants to kill isn't on the surface but underneath. SOmewhere deep down inside her. "It was if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at." Esther's crazy. SHe shouldn't kill her self, she just needs to find herself again and prioritize her life. She needs to find out what is most important to her and she needs to make those hard decisions about what she wants to do or who she wants to be in life. I think that is why she is going a little crazy is because she can't make up her mind, she can't make decisions. She just needs to find her path again.