Date: October 29, 2007
Entery Number: 32
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 190, 192
THere are a couple of things that I find funny in this chapter. At this new facility there is this lady named Mrs. Norris. It just cracks me up. Filch's cat from Harry Potter is Mrs. Norris. SHe was a creepy cat. Mrs. Norris in the Bell Jar is kind of weird too. SHe doesn't talk and she doesn't acknowledge you when you are talking to her. Also, I find it rather ironic that Buddy gets fat when he gets TB and has to stay at that one place and now the tables have turned and Esther is getting fat at the crazy house. It's just really funny to me.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Journal ENtery
Date: October 29, 2007
Entery Number: 31
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 189
I like Doctor Nolan a lot better than Doctor Gordon. She's is kind of weird herself but she is much nicer. SHe actually asks about Dr. Gordon and how did Esther like him. Of course Esther didn't like him because of the shock treatment and told her this. Doctor Nolan's respoonse was, "That was a mistake...It's not supposed to be like that...If it's done properly...it's like going to sleep." After that Doctor Nolan assures her that if ever she is to have the shock treatment at the new facility that Esther was moved to, she would be informed about it before it happened. Doctor NOlan is a lot better than Dr. Gordan.
Entery Number: 31
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 189
I like Doctor Nolan a lot better than Doctor Gordon. She's is kind of weird herself but she is much nicer. SHe actually asks about Dr. Gordon and how did Esther like him. Of course Esther didn't like him because of the shock treatment and told her this. Doctor Nolan's respoonse was, "That was a mistake...It's not supposed to be like that...If it's done properly...it's like going to sleep." After that Doctor Nolan assures her that if ever she is to have the shock treatment at the new facility that Esther was moved to, she would be informed about it before it happened. Doctor NOlan is a lot better than Dr. Gordan.
Journa Entery
Date: October 28, 2007
Entery Number: 30
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 182-183
I think it is so dumb how they think Esther knocked over the medical stuff on purpose. The dumb nurse put the box of thermometers on Esther's leg. Esther went to move her leg because the box was hurting it and then it fell. It might have been her fault a little but not much. It was the stupid nurse. Actually all the nurses in this story are stupid and mean. Esther was under her covers when it fell. A second nurse came in after the accident and said, "You did it on purpose. I saw you." She wasn't even paying attention. Esther did apologize but they didn't believe it was an accident. It kind was but kind of wasn't an accident. SHe didn't mean to make them fall and break, she just didn't want them on her leg anymore. I probably would have done the same thing. I really don't like the nurses in this story.
Entery Number: 30
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 182-183
I think it is so dumb how they think Esther knocked over the medical stuff on purpose. The dumb nurse put the box of thermometers on Esther's leg. Esther went to move her leg because the box was hurting it and then it fell. It might have been her fault a little but not much. It was the stupid nurse. Actually all the nurses in this story are stupid and mean. Esther was under her covers when it fell. A second nurse came in after the accident and said, "You did it on purpose. I saw you." She wasn't even paying attention. Esther did apologize but they didn't believe it was an accident. It kind was but kind of wasn't an accident. SHe didn't mean to make them fall and break, she just didn't want them on her leg anymore. I probably would have done the same thing. I really don't like the nurses in this story.
Journal Entery
Date: October 28, 2007
Entery Number: 29
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 171
I find it rather intriguing how the mind controls so much. For some reason Esther couldn't see temporarily and she told this to the nurse that was there. The nurse for some reason said, "There are lots of blind people in the world. You'll marry a nice blind man someday." Then the doctor came back in and took off a boss that was placed over Esther's left eye and light appeared. He asked if she could see him and she said yes and then he asked if she could see anything else. "Then I remembered. "I can't see anything." The gap narrowed and went dark. "I'm blind." The doctor tells her this is nonsense and asks who told her that. OF course it had to be a nurse. But it is rather fascinating the way our minds control so much. If you are in a position were you think you will get sick and you tell yourself this over and over again and again, then you will get sick. There was this great episode of HOUSE about this guy who gets sick and Cutty thinks it is this really bad disease but of course House always contradicts her. Because she thinks it is this disease and other people around start to worry about it, seeing the symptoms he has, they start to form the same symptoms. (THis all took place on an airplane.) House finds out that the guy had gone scouba diving the day before, had come up to quickly, and then got onto the plane. The differences in elevation were making him sick. After that everyone got better. It just ammuses me what the mind can do.
Entery Number: 29
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 171
I find it rather intriguing how the mind controls so much. For some reason Esther couldn't see temporarily and she told this to the nurse that was there. The nurse for some reason said, "There are lots of blind people in the world. You'll marry a nice blind man someday." Then the doctor came back in and took off a boss that was placed over Esther's left eye and light appeared. He asked if she could see him and she said yes and then he asked if she could see anything else. "Then I remembered. "I can't see anything." The gap narrowed and went dark. "I'm blind." The doctor tells her this is nonsense and asks who told her that. OF course it had to be a nurse. But it is rather fascinating the way our minds control so much. If you are in a position were you think you will get sick and you tell yourself this over and over again and again, then you will get sick. There was this great episode of HOUSE about this guy who gets sick and Cutty thinks it is this really bad disease but of course House always contradicts her. Because she thinks it is this disease and other people around start to worry about it, seeing the symptoms he has, they start to form the same symptoms. (THis all took place on an airplane.) House finds out that the guy had gone scouba diving the day before, had come up to quickly, and then got onto the plane. The differences in elevation were making him sick. After that everyone got better. It just ammuses me what the mind can do.
Journal Entery
Date: October 27, 2007
Entery Number: 28
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 168-169
Esther needs serious help. She tries again to commit suicide. This time by ODing on sleeping pills. "Behind the oil burner, a dark gap showed in the wall at about shoulder height and ran back under the breezeway, out of sight...It took me a good while to heft my body into the gap, but at last, after many tries, I managed it...I reached for the glass and bottle, and carefully, on my knees, with bent head, crawled to the farthest wall...At first nothing happened, but as I approached the bottom of the bottle, red and blue lights bagan to flash before my eyes." She quickly fell to sleep after that. Esther is just one crazy lady. Why would she hide herself in a dark gap where no one would ever find her? SHe's insane. Luckily, she didn't end up dieing and she was found by her mother. She really needs some help.
Entery Number: 28
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 168-169
Esther needs serious help. She tries again to commit suicide. This time by ODing on sleeping pills. "Behind the oil burner, a dark gap showed in the wall at about shoulder height and ran back under the breezeway, out of sight...It took me a good while to heft my body into the gap, but at last, after many tries, I managed it...I reached for the glass and bottle, and carefully, on my knees, with bent head, crawled to the farthest wall...At first nothing happened, but as I approached the bottom of the bottle, red and blue lights bagan to flash before my eyes." She quickly fell to sleep after that. Esther is just one crazy lady. Why would she hide herself in a dark gap where no one would ever find her? SHe's insane. Luckily, she didn't end up dieing and she was found by her mother. She really needs some help.
Journal Entery
Date: October 27, 2007
Entery Number: 27
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 165-167
I think it is so sad how Esther's father died. But I think it is weird how her mother didn't even cry when he died. Esther wasn't allowed to go to the funeral because she was only a kid so it had all seemed unreal to her. It's really sad when she starts thinking about all the stuff she could have learned from him if he hadn't died. "I couldn't understand why I was crying so hard. Then I remembered that I had never cried for my father's death...I laid my face to the smooth face of the marble and howled my loss into the cold salt rain." It is really sad. I bet if Esther's father was still alive, she would not be this way. She has a lot of unresolved things in her life, her father being one of them. She needs to get her life sorted out. Then things will get better for her. She really needs a dad.
Entery Number: 27
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 165-167
I think it is so sad how Esther's father died. But I think it is weird how her mother didn't even cry when he died. Esther wasn't allowed to go to the funeral because she was only a kid so it had all seemed unreal to her. It's really sad when she starts thinking about all the stuff she could have learned from him if he hadn't died. "I couldn't understand why I was crying so hard. Then I remembered that I had never cried for my father's death...I laid my face to the smooth face of the marble and howled my loss into the cold salt rain." It is really sad. I bet if Esther's father was still alive, she would not be this way. She has a lot of unresolved things in her life, her father being one of them. She needs to get her life sorted out. Then things will get better for her. She really needs a dad.
Journal Entery
Date: October 27, 2007
Entery Number: 26
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 158-159
How many times will this girl try to kill herself? She tries to kill herself agian by hanging. Luckily, she had no place to tie the rope up to. She still tried though but was unsuccessful. "But each time I would get the cord so tight I could feel a rushing in my ears and a flush of blood in my face, my hands would weaken and let go, and I would be all right agian." SHe actually wished her grandmother had not sold her old fashioned, nineteenth century style house because it had many places she could have hung from. Right now, with all her crazy thoughts of commiting suicide she should be put in an asylum. SHe is going to seriously hurt herself and others around her, whither it be emotionally or physically. She is seriously crazy.
Entery Number: 26
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 158-159
How many times will this girl try to kill herself? She tries to kill herself agian by hanging. Luckily, she had no place to tie the rope up to. She still tried though but was unsuccessful. "But each time I would get the cord so tight I could feel a rushing in my ears and a flush of blood in my face, my hands would weaken and let go, and I would be all right agian." SHe actually wished her grandmother had not sold her old fashioned, nineteenth century style house because it had many places she could have hung from. Right now, with all her crazy thoughts of commiting suicide she should be put in an asylum. SHe is going to seriously hurt herself and others around her, whither it be emotionally or physically. She is seriously crazy.
Journal Entery
Date: October 26, 2007
Entery Number: 25
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 147-148
Esther is a crazy girl. I don't see why she wants to kill herself exactly. Like she tries to cut herself and lay in a warm bath and die that way but she chickens out. "But when it came right dodwn to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn't do it." She was going to try a pratice run by cutting her leg and letting herself bleed to death that way but she had already used up the most part of the morning and her mother would be back soon. Esther does realize that what she really wants to kill isn't on the surface but underneath. SOmewhere deep down inside her. "It was if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at." Esther's crazy. SHe shouldn't kill her self, she just needs to find herself again and prioritize her life. She needs to find out what is most important to her and she needs to make those hard decisions about what she wants to do or who she wants to be in life. I think that is why she is going a little crazy is because she can't make up her mind, she can't make decisions. She just needs to find her path again.
Entery Number: 25
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 147-148
Esther is a crazy girl. I don't see why she wants to kill herself exactly. Like she tries to cut herself and lay in a warm bath and die that way but she chickens out. "But when it came right dodwn to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn't do it." She was going to try a pratice run by cutting her leg and letting herself bleed to death that way but she had already used up the most part of the morning and her mother would be back soon. Esther does realize that what she really wants to kill isn't on the surface but underneath. SOmewhere deep down inside her. "It was if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at." Esther's crazy. SHe shouldn't kill her self, she just needs to find herself again and prioritize her life. She needs to find out what is most important to her and she needs to make those hard decisions about what she wants to do or who she wants to be in life. I think that is why she is going a little crazy is because she can't make up her mind, she can't make decisions. She just needs to find her path again.
JOurnal Entery
Date: October 26, 2007
Entery Number: 24
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 143
The electric shock treatment that Doctor Gordon gives is so cruel. "Then something bent down and took hold of me and shook me like the end of the world. Whee-ee-ee-ee-ee, it shrilled, through an air crackling with blue light, and with each flash a great jolt drubbed me till I thought my bones would break..." Nobody should have that done to them. The other form of electric treatment she gets later on in the story seems more civil. But this, it's cruel and it's a no wonder all those people are the way they are. They all got their nerves fried to crisps. I don't even see how Dr. Gordon could pratice that kind of treatment. It's just evil. I really don't like Doctor Gordon.
Entery Number: 24
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 143
The electric shock treatment that Doctor Gordon gives is so cruel. "Then something bent down and took hold of me and shook me like the end of the world. Whee-ee-ee-ee-ee, it shrilled, through an air crackling with blue light, and with each flash a great jolt drubbed me till I thought my bones would break..." Nobody should have that done to them. The other form of electric treatment she gets later on in the story seems more civil. But this, it's cruel and it's a no wonder all those people are the way they are. They all got their nerves fried to crisps. I don't even see how Dr. Gordon could pratice that kind of treatment. It's just evil. I really don't like Doctor Gordon.
Journal Entery
Date: October 26, 2007
Entery Number: 23
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 141
I really don't like those quier people. They are so weird. I wonder how many times they got Doctor Gordon's version of electric shock treatment. Doctor Gordon made an appointment for Esther to come to his special hospital and receive electric shock treatment. There was this lounge with people in it who at first glance looked as though they were not moving at all but if you looked closely you could see them make little slow movements. "I made out men and women, and boys and girls who must be as young as I, but there was a uniformity to their faces, as if they had lain for a long time on a shelf, out of the sunlight, under siftings of pale, fine dust. Then I saw that some of the people were indeed moving, but with such small, birdlike gestures I had not at first discerned them." There was an old guy who was counting cards and would start all over once he got to the end. There was a fat lady playing with a string of wooden beads. She would scoot the beads to one end then let them fall to the other side. Then there was this little girl who was looking at sheets of music but when she noticed Esther was watching her, she tore them in half. These people were so weird.
Entery Number: 23
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 141
I really don't like those quier people. They are so weird. I wonder how many times they got Doctor Gordon's version of electric shock treatment. Doctor Gordon made an appointment for Esther to come to his special hospital and receive electric shock treatment. There was this lounge with people in it who at first glance looked as though they were not moving at all but if you looked closely you could see them make little slow movements. "I made out men and women, and boys and girls who must be as young as I, but there was a uniformity to their faces, as if they had lain for a long time on a shelf, out of the sunlight, under siftings of pale, fine dust. Then I saw that some of the people were indeed moving, but with such small, birdlike gestures I had not at first discerned them." There was an old guy who was counting cards and would start all over once he got to the end. There was a fat lady playing with a string of wooden beads. She would scoot the beads to one end then let them fall to the other side. Then there was this little girl who was looking at sheets of music but when she noticed Esther was watching her, she tore them in half. These people were so weird.
Journal Entery
Date: October 25, 2007
Entery Number: 22
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 130-131
I absolutely hate that stupid Doctor Gordon. He's a jerk. On page 129 he asks Esther, "Suppose you try and tell me what you think is wrong." (He's a psychiatrist.) Esther's reaction/thoughts would have been exactly the same as mine if I had been told that. "What did I think was wrong? That made it sound as if nothing was really wrong, I only thought it was wrong." Esther goes on to tell him some of the things that have been going on with her like how she couldn't eat or sleep or write. The whole time Doctor Gordon sat with his head bent "...as if he were praying..." When she finished he asked her what college she went to then started telling a little about his life as he had stayed at the college or near it when he was in the war. After that he just said "See you next week, then." He didn't give her any feed back at all. He didn't tell her anything, he didn't look at her much at all, and he didn't even talk about her. All he did was talk about himself. He just makes me mad. I would hate to have a psychiatrist like that if I every needed one, which I won't. He was costly too. It was twenty-five dollars an hour. Back then that was a lot. He was just a real jerk.
Entery Number: 22
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 130-131
I absolutely hate that stupid Doctor Gordon. He's a jerk. On page 129 he asks Esther, "Suppose you try and tell me what you think is wrong." (He's a psychiatrist.) Esther's reaction/thoughts would have been exactly the same as mine if I had been told that. "What did I think was wrong? That made it sound as if nothing was really wrong, I only thought it was wrong." Esther goes on to tell him some of the things that have been going on with her like how she couldn't eat or sleep or write. The whole time Doctor Gordon sat with his head bent "...as if he were praying..." When she finished he asked her what college she went to then started telling a little about his life as he had stayed at the college or near it when he was in the war. After that he just said "See you next week, then." He didn't give her any feed back at all. He didn't tell her anything, he didn't look at her much at all, and he didn't even talk about her. All he did was talk about himself. He just makes me mad. I would hate to have a psychiatrist like that if I every needed one, which I won't. He was costly too. It was twenty-five dollars an hour. Back then that was a lot. He was just a real jerk.
Journal Entery
Date: October 25, 2007
Entery Number: 21
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 127-128
"It seemed silly to wash one day when I would only have to wash again the next...I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it." When I read this it reminded me of my sister. Just about a month ago she had been complaining how she didn't want to take showers anymore. She has to wash her hair everyday and she doesn't want to do it anymore. She said, "I wish we only had to do it once and then be done with it and never have to do it again." It struck me as really funny. I can make different connections with Esther, but when my sister can with out even reading the book, it's funny.
Entery Number: 21
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 127-128
"It seemed silly to wash one day when I would only have to wash again the next...I wanted to do everything once and for all and be through with it." When I read this it reminded me of my sister. Just about a month ago she had been complaining how she didn't want to take showers anymore. She has to wash her hair everyday and she doesn't want to do it anymore. She said, "I wish we only had to do it once and then be done with it and never have to do it again." It struck me as really funny. I can make different connections with Esther, but when my sister can with out even reading the book, it's funny.
Journal Entery
Date: October 24, 2007
Entery Number: 20
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 116-117
"Even six was considered excessive, but then, everybody said, of course Dodo was a Catholic." Dodo Conway, a mother of six children with a seventh on the way, lived in Esther's neighbor hood and raised her children on "...Rice Krispies, peanut-butter-and-marshmallow sandwiches, vanilla ice cream and gallon upon gallon of Hoods milk." It's interesting how they make the innuendo that the reason why she has so many kids is because she is Catholic. It's funny though because most of the time people make that connection between Latter Day Saints, aka Mormons. A lot of Mormon families have at least five kids or more. There are a few with only a couple of kids but then there are families with nine kids others with twelve and sometimes as many as sixteen. One of my best friends is a member of a family with sixteen kids in it, all from the same marriage. So it is interesting to me how they make that connection between lots of kids and Catholics.
Entery Number: 20
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 116-117
"Even six was considered excessive, but then, everybody said, of course Dodo was a Catholic." Dodo Conway, a mother of six children with a seventh on the way, lived in Esther's neighbor hood and raised her children on "...Rice Krispies, peanut-butter-and-marshmallow sandwiches, vanilla ice cream and gallon upon gallon of Hoods milk." It's interesting how they make the innuendo that the reason why she has so many kids is because she is Catholic. It's funny though because most of the time people make that connection between Latter Day Saints, aka Mormons. A lot of Mormon families have at least five kids or more. There are a few with only a couple of kids but then there are families with nine kids others with twelve and sometimes as many as sixteen. One of my best friends is a member of a family with sixteen kids in it, all from the same marriage. So it is interesting to me how they make that connection between lots of kids and Catholics.
Journal Entery
Date: October 24, 2007
Entery NUmber: 19
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 112-113
I find it interesting how Esther is facinated by the two lines of dried blood that Marco wiped on her face and doesn't want to wash it off. But what's even more interesting is that Holden Caufield in
Entery NUmber: 19
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 112-113
I find it interesting how Esther is facinated by the two lines of dried blood that Marco wiped on her face and doesn't want to wash it off. But what's even more interesting is that Holden Caufield in
The Catcher in the Ryewas a little like this too. "It partly scared me and it partly fascinated me. All that blood and all sort of made me look tough." (45-46)That was Holden's response to it all. Esther's was more girly. "They seemed touching, and rather spectacular, and I thought I would carry them around with me, like the relic of a dead lover, till they wore off of their own accord." There are actually a lot of similarities between Holden and Esther. They are both somewhat hypocrites, both lie a lot, both don't know how to fit into society, and other things as well. They are both peculiar characters.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Journal Entery
Date: October 23, 2007
Entery Number: 18
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 105-110
Between all these pages we met a mean evil guy named Marco who is a women hater, according to Esther. He was very rough with Esther and gave her at least five bruises. One for each finger. At this club they started playing South American music and Marco loves to tango, which is what the song was. Esther doesn't know how to dance to that music and says no but he forces her to dance. Later on, outside, he pushes her to the ground, in the mud, and then tears her dress and calls her a slut.(He tries to force himself on her basically.) She bites, kicks, and punches him. For drawing blood, he demands that she give the diamond back that he gave her. He is a real creep with problems. He said he loved his first cousin but he can't have her because she is his first cousin and she is becoming a nun. SHe knew he loved her, though. Ether tells him, "If you love her...you'll love somebody else someday." That's when he pushed her to the ground. He's a lost hypocrite. He loves his cousin and hates the sluts but he is willing to sleep with them. It's interesting that he only called her a slut until after Esther let him tear her dress, revealing bare skin. Somewhere else in the book it says that a guy will want to have sexual relationships with women but after she has given in, he loses respect for her. SO it is interesting when Marco says, "Sluts, all sluts." Marco was a real jerk but he had a little deeper purpose.
Entery Number: 18
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 105-110
Between all these pages we met a mean evil guy named Marco who is a women hater, according to Esther. He was very rough with Esther and gave her at least five bruises. One for each finger. At this club they started playing South American music and Marco loves to tango, which is what the song was. Esther doesn't know how to dance to that music and says no but he forces her to dance. Later on, outside, he pushes her to the ground, in the mud, and then tears her dress and calls her a slut.(He tries to force himself on her basically.) She bites, kicks, and punches him. For drawing blood, he demands that she give the diamond back that he gave her. He is a real creep with problems. He said he loved his first cousin but he can't have her because she is his first cousin and she is becoming a nun. SHe knew he loved her, though. Ether tells him, "If you love her...you'll love somebody else someday." That's when he pushed her to the ground. He's a lost hypocrite. He loves his cousin and hates the sluts but he is willing to sleep with them. It's interesting that he only called her a slut until after Esther let him tear her dress, revealing bare skin. Somewhere else in the book it says that a guy will want to have sexual relationships with women but after she has given in, he loses respect for her. SO it is interesting when Marco says, "Sluts, all sluts." Marco was a real jerk but he had a little deeper purpose.
Journal Entery
Date: October 23, 2007
Entery Number: 17
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 102
I don't understand why Esther began to cry when it was time for her to be taking her picture for the newspaper. Maybe it was the shock of finding out about Buddy. Maybe it was because of the hard decisions she would have to make and didn't know which one or ones to pick. Maybe she just felt really out of place and like her life was going no were or slipping out of her hands. I really don't know why she cried. "I felt limp and betrayed, like the skin shed by a terrible animal. It was a relief to be free of the animal, but it seemed to have taken my spirit with it, and everything else it could lay its paws on." THis quote is important to this topic but I can't think right now and don't exactly know how it all connects but it does seem to connect. It was rather strange when she cried. Maybe I'll find out later.
Entery Number: 17
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 102
I don't understand why Esther began to cry when it was time for her to be taking her picture for the newspaper. Maybe it was the shock of finding out about Buddy. Maybe it was because of the hard decisions she would have to make and didn't know which one or ones to pick. Maybe she just felt really out of place and like her life was going no were or slipping out of her hands. I really don't know why she cried. "I felt limp and betrayed, like the skin shed by a terrible animal. It was a relief to be free of the animal, but it seemed to have taken my spirit with it, and everything else it could lay its paws on." THis quote is important to this topic but I can't think right now and don't exactly know how it all connects but it does seem to connect. It was rather strange when she cried. Maybe I'll find out later.
Journal Entery
Date: October 22, 2007
Entery Number: 16
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 94
Even though Buddy is like one of the stupidest people ever, he can still be a little cute, I guess. The best thing he ever said was "Let me fly with you." Esther was talking about how she was neurotic and how she couldn't live both in the country or the city, which sounds a little like a symbol, and how she would be flying between "...one mutually exclusive thing and another..." It was really cute. Buddy really likes her now but it's to late. She doesn't like him anymore. She need to find a new guy and him, a new girl. Things wouldn't work out between them.
Entery Number: 16
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 94
Even though Buddy is like one of the stupidest people ever, he can still be a little cute, I guess. The best thing he ever said was "Let me fly with you." Esther was talking about how she was neurotic and how she couldn't live both in the country or the city, which sounds a little like a symbol, and how she would be flying between "...one mutually exclusive thing and another..." It was really cute. Buddy really likes her now but it's to late. She doesn't like him anymore. She need to find a new guy and him, a new girl. Things wouldn't work out between them.
Journal Entery
Date: October 22, 2007
Entery Number: 15
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 92-93
Buddy is so stupid and he really gets on my nerves. He asked Esther to marry him. But, he did it in a stupid way. "I want to ask you a question." ... "What?" ... "Buddy sat down beside me. He put his arm around my waist and brushed the hair from my ear. I didn't move. Then I heard him whisper, "How would you like to be Mrs. Buddy Willard?" When he asked her that I got the creeps. Why would anyone want to marry Buddy after all his nasty unpureness and stupidness? He is such a hypocrit also and hypocrits are stupid even though many people are hypocrits. I don't even know how I would react if I were Esther and he asked me that. Buddy just creeps me out now. He is so dirty. And he doesn't even know how to give a proper and romatic proposal. His proprosal sucked.
Entery Number: 15
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 92-93
Buddy is so stupid and he really gets on my nerves. He asked Esther to marry him. But, he did it in a stupid way. "I want to ask you a question." ... "What?" ... "Buddy sat down beside me. He put his arm around my waist and brushed the hair from my ear. I didn't move. Then I heard him whisper, "How would you like to be Mrs. Buddy Willard?" When he asked her that I got the creeps. Why would anyone want to marry Buddy after all his nasty unpureness and stupidness? He is such a hypocrit also and hypocrits are stupid even though many people are hypocrits. I don't even know how I would react if I were Esther and he asked me that. Buddy just creeps me out now. He is so dirty. And he doesn't even know how to give a proper and romatic proposal. His proprosal sucked.
Journal Entery
Date: October 21, 2007
Entery Number: 14
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 84-85
Women's roles back in the 1950's and early 60's weren't very fun. Either you were a whore, a good wife, or a spinster cat lady. Esther gives an example of how a day would be as a good wife and it was really boring full of cleaning and washing dishes. (Thank goodness for dish washers.) "This seemed a dreary and wasted life for a girl with fifteen years of straight A's, but I knew that's what marriage was like, because cook and clean and wash was just what Buddy Willard's mother did from morning till night..." It's sad, after all that hard work it would just go to waste. It's even sadder what Esther's father said to her mother after they left on their honeymoon. "Whew, that's a relief, now we can stop pretending and be ourselves." The dating process is to find out how others really are and to see who would be the best person for you and who would be the best husband for you and your future family. You aren't suppose to pretend to be someone else will your dating. You could end up marrying a total jerk if you pretended to be someone you weren't and then you stopped pretending after the marriage ceremony. It's terrible, really it is.
Entery Number: 14
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 84-85
Women's roles back in the 1950's and early 60's weren't very fun. Either you were a whore, a good wife, or a spinster cat lady. Esther gives an example of how a day would be as a good wife and it was really boring full of cleaning and washing dishes. (Thank goodness for dish washers.) "This seemed a dreary and wasted life for a girl with fifteen years of straight A's, but I knew that's what marriage was like, because cook and clean and wash was just what Buddy Willard's mother did from morning till night..." It's sad, after all that hard work it would just go to waste. It's even sadder what Esther's father said to her mother after they left on their honeymoon. "Whew, that's a relief, now we can stop pretending and be ourselves." The dating process is to find out how others really are and to see who would be the best person for you and who would be the best husband for you and your future family. You aren't suppose to pretend to be someone else will your dating. You could end up marrying a total jerk if you pretended to be someone you weren't and then you stopped pretending after the marriage ceremony. It's terrible, really it is.
Journal Entery
Date: October 21, 2007
Entery Number: 13
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 77
Esther needed to be thinking about what she wanted to be, what she wanted to do before she got out of high school or what ever. Now she is left standing in the middle of the fig tree not sure which fig or occupation to take. She doesn't know what decisions to make. Because it is taking her so long, her chances are beinging to slip through her fingers and soon she will be left with nothing. "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story...From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked...I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose." All of those opportunities will pass while she is still making up her mind and she will find herself old and alone with nothing at all when she had so many good opportunities before her.
Entery Number: 13
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 77
Esther needed to be thinking about what she wanted to be, what she wanted to do before she got out of high school or what ever. Now she is left standing in the middle of the fig tree not sure which fig or occupation to take. She doesn't know what decisions to make. Because it is taking her so long, her chances are beinging to slip through her fingers and soon she will be left with nothing. "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story...From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked...I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose." All of those opportunities will pass while she is still making up her mind and she will find herself old and alone with nothing at all when she had so many good opportunities before her.
Journal Entery
Date: October 20, 2007
Entery Number: 12
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 68-71
Buddy is so grose and totally not pure and innocent. I don't know how Esther really thought he was. Well love does blind you but she was pretty naive. Buddy asks one time, "Esther, have you ever seen a man?" Esther new he ment naked and told him no and then he proceeded to take of his pants and show her. That was so incredible grose and totally disgusting. He is so nasty. Later on Esther finds out Buddy isn't a virgin and that he sleep with a slutty waitress not once but multiply times. "What I couldn't stand was Buddy's pretending I was so sexy and he was so pure, when all the time he'd been having an affair with that tarty waitress..." Buddy really is a hypocrite. But what's real funny is because Buddy's mom is all about being pure and staying pure for that special someone until after you get married. It's rather interesting and Buddy's quite disgusting.
Entery Number: 12
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 68-71
Buddy is so grose and totally not pure and innocent. I don't know how Esther really thought he was. Well love does blind you but she was pretty naive. Buddy asks one time, "Esther, have you ever seen a man?" Esther new he ment naked and told him no and then he proceeded to take of his pants and show her. That was so incredible grose and totally disgusting. He is so nasty. Later on Esther finds out Buddy isn't a virgin and that he sleep with a slutty waitress not once but multiply times. "What I couldn't stand was Buddy's pretending I was so sexy and he was so pure, when all the time he'd been having an affair with that tarty waitress..." Buddy really is a hypocrite. But what's real funny is because Buddy's mom is all about being pure and staying pure for that special someone until after you get married. It's rather interesting and Buddy's quite disgusting.
Journal Entery
Date: October 20, 2007
Entery Number: 11
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 63
I think it is so cruel, in a way, how they displayed the dead babies in jars at the hospital, or whatever, where Buddy was working at. They had bottled babies that had died before birth, throughout the stages, and displayed them in a hallway. "After that, Buddy took me out into a hall where they had some big glass bottles full of babies that had died before they were born...I was quite proud of the calm way I stared at all these gruesome things." It's not right. I can understand why they would have them, in a way so it could help the doctors and others learn about the way babies grow and develop, but to have them out on desplay in a hall way doesn't seem right. If I was a mother of a baby that had died before it was born and they asked me if I would let them put it on desplay, I would have said no. The way babies are really created and how something so magnificant could grow in another human being to one day grow up be an adult also is a miracle. One that doctors can't explain and want to know about. It's a miracle, one that can't be explained and they should just leave it at that.
Entery Number: 11
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 63
I think it is so cruel, in a way, how they displayed the dead babies in jars at the hospital, or whatever, where Buddy was working at. They had bottled babies that had died before birth, throughout the stages, and displayed them in a hallway. "After that, Buddy took me out into a hall where they had some big glass bottles full of babies that had died before they were born...I was quite proud of the calm way I stared at all these gruesome things." It's not right. I can understand why they would have them, in a way so it could help the doctors and others learn about the way babies grow and develop, but to have them out on desplay in a hall way doesn't seem right. If I was a mother of a baby that had died before it was born and they asked me if I would let them put it on desplay, I would have said no. The way babies are really created and how something so magnificant could grow in another human being to one day grow up be an adult also is a miracle. One that doctors can't explain and want to know about. It's a miracle, one that can't be explained and they should just leave it at that.
Journal Entery
Date: October 19, 2007
Entery Number: 10
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 55
I find it interesting how Esther relates the story of the Fig Tree to her own life. The story was a lot cuter than Buddy's and her own story and imaginary fig tree but it's a symbol. The story was about a nun and a Jewish man who would pick figs off a fig tree together until one day when they saw a baby bird hatch and the backs of their hands touched. The next day that nun didn't come back to pick the figs but a different mean nun came out and picked them. "We had met together under our own imaginary fig tree, and what we had seen wasn't a bird coming out of an egg but a baby coming out of a woman, and then something awful happened and we went our separate ways." Esther had liked Buddy for five years before he started to look at her and the more he looked at her, the more and more she saw things she didn't like about him. (That's kind of where the lady and the baby came into play. But then she saw Buddy for who he was and didn't like him anymore because he was a hypocrate.) If you think about it enough and have actually read the book, it makes sense with the whole fig tree.
Entery Number: 10
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 55
I find it interesting how Esther relates the story of the Fig Tree to her own life. The story was a lot cuter than Buddy's and her own story and imaginary fig tree but it's a symbol. The story was about a nun and a Jewish man who would pick figs off a fig tree together until one day when they saw a baby bird hatch and the backs of their hands touched. The next day that nun didn't come back to pick the figs but a different mean nun came out and picked them. "We had met together under our own imaginary fig tree, and what we had seen wasn't a bird coming out of an egg but a baby coming out of a woman, and then something awful happened and we went our separate ways." Esther had liked Buddy for five years before he started to look at her and the more he looked at her, the more and more she saw things she didn't like about him. (That's kind of where the lady and the baby came into play. But then she saw Buddy for who he was and didn't like him anymore because he was a hypocrate.) If you think about it enough and have actually read the book, it makes sense with the whole fig tree.
Journal Entery
Date: October 19, 2007
Entery Number: 9
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 52
It's hard sometimes to know if a guy likes you or not. Most of the time it's VERY clear. But sometimes when you are feeling down and haven't had any real connections with guys, like dating, for a while and you start talking to a guy and he says something that lights a spark and a hope in you, you start to think he might like you. If you're smart, you'll snuff out that hope with the realization that there was nothing, no special meaning behind those hollow words like you thought there was or what you hoped there was. It's happened to me about once or twice but luckily not many. "There I went again, building up a glamorous picture of a man who would love me passionately the minute he met me, and all out of a few prosy nothings." She was temorarily tricked but that only lasted a few seconds before she new nothing was behind those words that the simultaneous interpreter had said. Love, Loking, and Liking guys suck sometimes.
Entery Number: 9
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 52
It's hard sometimes to know if a guy likes you or not. Most of the time it's VERY clear. But sometimes when you are feeling down and haven't had any real connections with guys, like dating, for a while and you start talking to a guy and he says something that lights a spark and a hope in you, you start to think he might like you. If you're smart, you'll snuff out that hope with the realization that there was nothing, no special meaning behind those hollow words like you thought there was or what you hoped there was. It's happened to me about once or twice but luckily not many. "There I went again, building up a glamorous picture of a man who would love me passionately the minute he met me, and all out of a few prosy nothings." She was temorarily tricked but that only lasted a few seconds before she new nothing was behind those words that the simultaneous interpreter had said. Love, Loking, and Liking guys suck sometimes.
Journal Entery
Date: October 18, 2007
Entery Number: 8
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 48
When Esther and all the other girls who ate the crab meat and got sick, Doreen told Esther, "...you almost died." My question is how did she almost die? "They did tests on it and it was chock full of ptomaine." How did the ptomaine almost kill her? Ptomaine doesn't even cause food poisoning, like it was previously thought to, so how did it almost kill her? And if it almost killed her, did it nearly kill the other girls also? Ptomaine is actually any kind of toxic nitrogenous organic compound that is produced by bacterial decomposition of proteins. I wonder along with the vomiting if she had any other symptoms like a fever or what? If she did, then I could understand how it might have almost killed her but how could vomiting almost kill her? It's very strange.
Entery Number: 8
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 48
When Esther and all the other girls who ate the crab meat and got sick, Doreen told Esther, "...you almost died." My question is how did she almost die? "They did tests on it and it was chock full of ptomaine." How did the ptomaine almost kill her? Ptomaine doesn't even cause food poisoning, like it was previously thought to, so how did it almost kill her? And if it almost killed her, did it nearly kill the other girls also? Ptomaine is actually any kind of toxic nitrogenous organic compound that is produced by bacterial decomposition of proteins. I wonder along with the vomiting if she had any other symptoms like a fever or what? If she did, then I could understand how it might have almost killed her but how could vomiting almost kill her? It's very strange.
Journal Entery
Date: October 18, 2007
Entery Number: 7
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 43
I find it so funny how lady like Esther and Betsy were when they were throwing up in the cab. "Each time one of us felt sick, she would lean over quietly as if she had dropped something and was picking it up off the floor, and the other one would hum a little and pretend to be looking out the window." If I were sick, I wouldn't care about manners and being lady like. Well, I guess I would care a little bit but not that much. The cabby started to figure out what was going on and said, "Hey...you can't do that in my cab, you better get out and do it in the street." Even though he said this, he didn't make them actually get out and puke in the street.
Entery Number: 7
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 43
I find it so funny how lady like Esther and Betsy were when they were throwing up in the cab. "Each time one of us felt sick, she would lean over quietly as if she had dropped something and was picking it up off the floor, and the other one would hum a little and pretend to be looking out the window." If I were sick, I wouldn't care about manners and being lady like. Well, I guess I would care a little bit but not that much. The cabby started to figure out what was going on and said, "Hey...you can't do that in my cab, you better get out and do it in the street." Even though he said this, he didn't make them actually get out and puke in the street.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Journal Entery
Date: October 17, 2007
Entery Number: 6
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 29, 32-33
It is interesting to see some of the similarities between Esther and I. Sometimes when it comes to school work and grades I begin to think if getting all A's or at least seriously trying to, is really worth it. I begin to let up a little and start to give up but then I have to go back and tell myself "I have to do this. I can't let up. I have keep at it. If you don't you won't be able to get that great job or get any of those nice things you have always dreamed about." "After nineteen years of running after good marks and prizes and grants of one sort and another, I was letting up, slowing down, dropping clean out of the race." Sometimes this is a little how I feel. It's an awkward feeling. Some things Esther wanted to do was to study all over Europe, be a professor, write books of poems, or be an editor or go into publishing. She also had always wanted to learn German. I have always wanted to go to Europe, learn German, French, Italiean, Dutch, and other languages, I've thought about being a teacher, I have written a couple of poems, and I want to be an author writing fantasy and other fictional books. It's cool but kind of creepy the things we have in common.
Entery Number: 6
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pgs. 29, 32-33
It is interesting to see some of the similarities between Esther and I. Sometimes when it comes to school work and grades I begin to think if getting all A's or at least seriously trying to, is really worth it. I begin to let up a little and start to give up but then I have to go back and tell myself "I have to do this. I can't let up. I have keep at it. If you don't you won't be able to get that great job or get any of those nice things you have always dreamed about." "After nineteen years of running after good marks and prizes and grants of one sort and another, I was letting up, slowing down, dropping clean out of the race." Sometimes this is a little how I feel. It's an awkward feeling. Some things Esther wanted to do was to study all over Europe, be a professor, write books of poems, or be an editor or go into publishing. She also had always wanted to learn German. I have always wanted to go to Europe, learn German, French, Italiean, Dutch, and other languages, I've thought about being a teacher, I have written a couple of poems, and I want to be an author writing fantasy and other fictional books. It's cool but kind of creepy the things we have in common.
Journal Entery
Date: October 17, 2007
ENtery Number: 5
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 26
Assuming that Esther did get married, because of that baby she mentioned, I wonder if her grandfather did buy her that caviar for her wedding. "The joke was that at my wedding my grandfather would see I had all the caviar I could eat. It was a joke because I never intended to get married, and even if I did, my grandfather couldn't have afforded enough caviar..." I think it is a nice/cute little relationship the two of them have but I wonder if he ever did buy that caviar. I don't know why it intrigues me so, but it does. I doubt he did buy her all that she could eat because he couldn't afford it but i wonder if he even just gave her some as a wedding gift. That would have been the best wedding gift ever, that is, in a funny way. It's an interesting thought, though.
ENtery Number: 5
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 26
Assuming that Esther did get married, because of that baby she mentioned, I wonder if her grandfather did buy her that caviar for her wedding. "The joke was that at my wedding my grandfather would see I had all the caviar I could eat. It was a joke because I never intended to get married, and even if I did, my grandfather couldn't have afforded enough caviar..." I think it is a nice/cute little relationship the two of them have but I wonder if he ever did buy that caviar. I don't know why it intrigues me so, but it does. I doubt he did buy her all that she could eat because he couldn't afford it but i wonder if he even just gave her some as a wedding gift. That would have been the best wedding gift ever, that is, in a funny way. It's an interesting thought, though.
Journal Entery
Date: October 16, 2007
Entery Number: 4
Page/Quote reflecting: Pg. 19
Hot baths are nice and very relaxing. But I find it interesting how Esther only takes a hot bath when something bad or depressing is happening. "Whenever I'm sad I'm going to die, or so nervous I can't sleep, or in love with somebody I won't be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: 'I'll go take a hot bath.'" Why would she only take a hot bath when something bad is happening? I would take a hot bath when both good things and bad things are happening that is if I had time to dwell in the tub and if I didn't have so many siblings who are always needing in the bathroom. It kind of shows how negative Esther is. It's pretty interesting.
Entery Number: 4
Page/Quote reflecting: Pg. 19
Hot baths are nice and very relaxing. But I find it interesting how Esther only takes a hot bath when something bad or depressing is happening. "Whenever I'm sad I'm going to die, or so nervous I can't sleep, or in love with somebody I won't be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: 'I'll go take a hot bath.'" Why would she only take a hot bath when something bad is happening? I would take a hot bath when both good things and bad things are happening that is if I had time to dwell in the tub and if I didn't have so many siblings who are always needing in the bathroom. It kind of shows how negative Esther is. It's pretty interesting.
Journal Entery
Date: October 16, 2007
Entery Number: 3
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 16
I have been in situations similar to Esther's when she went with Doreen to Lenny Shepherd's apartment. Lenny and Doreen were completely involved in each other and totally ignored Esther. "I felt myself shrinking to a small black dot against all those red and white rugs and that pine paneling. I felt like a hole in the ground." That's how I have felt with friends and family too. The conditions were not the same but having people totally ignore you is a very boring feeling. You feel lonely, left out, forgotten, and neglected. It doesn't happen to me so much anymore. It is interesting how angry is a secondary emotion though. At first I would feel bored, then lonely, left out, ect., and then I would get mad. I would get so mad I would start to hate those people and decide to ditch them since they wouldn't even notice if I was gone or not anyway. I really hate it when people do that so now I try to include everyone in the things that I do because I have been that outsider looking in, feeling worthless and alone.
Entery Number: 3
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 16
I have been in situations similar to Esther's when she went with Doreen to Lenny Shepherd's apartment. Lenny and Doreen were completely involved in each other and totally ignored Esther. "I felt myself shrinking to a small black dot against all those red and white rugs and that pine paneling. I felt like a hole in the ground." That's how I have felt with friends and family too. The conditions were not the same but having people totally ignore you is a very boring feeling. You feel lonely, left out, forgotten, and neglected. It doesn't happen to me so much anymore. It is interesting how angry is a secondary emotion though. At first I would feel bored, then lonely, left out, ect., and then I would get mad. I would get so mad I would start to hate those people and decide to ditch them since they wouldn't even notice if I was gone or not anyway. I really hate it when people do that so now I try to include everyone in the things that I do because I have been that outsider looking in, feeling worthless and alone.
Journal Entery
Date: October 15, 2007
Entery Number: 2
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 3
I find it interesting how she gives us insight to her life after New York and after she got better, which really means after she found herself again and stomped out the crazy insane person who had taken over for a while. "...last week I cut the plastic starfish off the sunglasses case for the baby to play with." So after she gets over her insanity she gets married and has a baby. I wonder who she ends up marrying. It must have been someone special to be able to persuade Esther into getting married, which she lied about constantly but really didn't want to. It's a good thing that she did end up fitting into one of the castes of society for women back then. For women, you were either a whore, a spinster, or a good wife. If Esther hadn't finally picked a caste, she might have been successful in killing her self or she would have ended up in an asylum for the rest of her life, which I don't totally agree with. Actually, the book doesn't say anything about a husband,or at least I don't think it does, so Esther could have just gotten pregnant and had a baby but I doubt it.
Entery Number: 2
Page/Quote reflecting on: Pg. 3
I find it interesting how she gives us insight to her life after New York and after she got better, which really means after she found herself again and stomped out the crazy insane person who had taken over for a while. "...last week I cut the plastic starfish off the sunglasses case for the baby to play with." So after she gets over her insanity she gets married and has a baby. I wonder who she ends up marrying. It must have been someone special to be able to persuade Esther into getting married, which she lied about constantly but really didn't want to. It's a good thing that she did end up fitting into one of the castes of society for women back then. For women, you were either a whore, a spinster, or a good wife. If Esther hadn't finally picked a caste, she might have been successful in killing her self or she would have ended up in an asylum for the rest of her life, which I don't totally agree with. Actually, the book doesn't say anything about a husband,or at least I don't think it does, so Esther could have just gotten pregnant and had a baby but I doubt it.
Journal Entery
Date: October 15, 2007
Entery Number: 1
Page/Quote reflection on: Pg. 1
The way this story starts off has to be one of the weirdest beginnings of a book I've ever read. Our Protagonist, Esther, starts off by telling us about the Rosenbergs who were given the electric chair for something they did. "The idea of being electrocuted makes me sick, and that's all there was to read about in the papers..." At least the thought of being electrocuted isn't appealing to her but to start off telling her story with that obviously tells you there must be something not quite straight upstair. In other words she sounds a little crazy. She ends up going crazy, anyway, and that's probably why she wrote it like that. But it seems like there has to be something more behind telling us about the Rosenbergs first off. I'm not quite sure though. I think I'll look into it a little.
Entery Number: 1
Page/Quote reflection on: Pg. 1
The way this story starts off has to be one of the weirdest beginnings of a book I've ever read. Our Protagonist, Esther, starts off by telling us about the Rosenbergs who were given the electric chair for something they did. "The idea of being electrocuted makes me sick, and that's all there was to read about in the papers..." At least the thought of being electrocuted isn't appealing to her but to start off telling her story with that obviously tells you there must be something not quite straight upstair. In other words she sounds a little crazy. She ends up going crazy, anyway, and that's probably why she wrote it like that. But it seems like there has to be something more behind telling us about the Rosenbergs first off. I'm not quite sure though. I think I'll look into it a little.